


Magic Dwalin

by friedhotsauce



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Flashbacks, Other, Probably one of the least canon things ever, Sensual Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 11:08:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedhotsauce/pseuds/friedhotsauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the company's meeting at Bilbo's house, Dwalin has some explaining to do, as Balin ponders why his dear brother hasn't been seen until now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic Dwalin

Magic Dwalin

 

“It’s been too long.” Balin sighed settling down with a cup of tea to relax after the chaos that was dinner. He joined his younger brother Dwalin on a bench in the hallway of the hobbit’s house.

“You already mentioned that earlier dear Balin! Your mind is certainly catching up with your age!” Dwalin laughed heartily. The elder just shook his head with slight amusement. 

“Tell me then, tell me about your travels!” Balin suddenly shot up excitedly.

“Oh no, you don’t want to hear about those!” 

“Hear about what?” asked a young blonde head that had suddenly appeared around the corner, which made the brawny dwarf jump a little.

“Fili, for goodness sake! You almost gave Balin a heart attack!”

“Err, no he didn’t,” Balin added matter-of-factly.

“Sorry, I promise I was minding my own business. But I had to know what things Mr. Dwalin was conversing about!”

“There is no story-telling here lad. You,”

Balin cut him off. “He was just about to tell me about his many adventures!”

“This’ll be exciting,” Fili said, rubbing his hands with anticipation, and setting himself next to Balin. “Go on then!”

Dwalin sighed heavily. There was no way out now, and he had to be true because it was definitely noticeable when he lied, especially to Balin. He refused to look them in the eye and tell this tale; he left his seat and stared out of a nearby window, back facing his audience.

“It was decades ago. After we settled down in the Blue Mountain, I saw it fit to strike out on my own for a little bit. I was met with everlasting support from Balin, Ma and Da, so it wasn’t hard leaving home. I was in the forest for a few days, the solitude was rather peaceful. After that though, I craved company. I wanted to find the nearest town and find a job, some shelter, and very much some real food. I found a path leading to the forest’s exit and was met with the entrance of a large town.”

“Which one?” Fili chimed.

Dwalin shook his head, “I can’t quite remember.” And it was a thankful thing he couldn’t.

 

The mighty dwarf couldn’t help but feel small in this town full of men. He ran his hand through his long black hair, self-consciously as he tried to ignore the rude stares. Then suddenly; an oasis! A plain, unpainted wooden building, given a name of three letters: Pub. Dwalin sighed with relief and burst through the door. It was a fancier scene than he would’ve liked: a relatively intimate setting, with a grand piano being played expertly in the corner. The tables were small and square with white linen placed on top. The people were eating with knives and forks, _I better leave_ he decided. But before Dwalin could open the door, he heard a bright laugh. Curious, he rounded the corner and spotted the bar. With a large grin he entered the area and sat down on a stool by the counter.

“What’ll you have laddie?” The grey-haired bartender asked.

“Whatever’s on tap, surprise me!” He threw a gold coin on the counter-top. The man took it and sauntered away, returning with a glass mug of beer.

“Here you are; the best ale this side of the Blue Mountain.”

“How’d you guess?”

The bartender was about to answer when a group of women burst through the door. They giggled with drunken content. The group of five sat down at a table nearby the bar. One of them was wearing a short white dress and a veil, a sash with the word “bride” graced her mid-section. The other four wore purple dresses of the same height and sashes with the word “bridesmaid” on them. 

“Stagettes! Hard to deal with, but their business rakes in the cash.” The bartender mumbled as he left the counter with a pencil and pad of paper. He waddled to the lively bunch. “What’ll it be girls?”

The women whispered amongst themselves, until the bride suddenly burst out, “I’ll have him!” pointing directly at none other than Dwalin! The rest of the girls exploded with laughter, and Dwalin blushed a bit. His heart pounded with embarrassment as he felt numerous pairs of eyes on his back. The bartender made his way back to the counter. “Well that was awkward!” 

“Could you tell me where I could find an inn on a traveller’s budget?” Dwalin mumbled.

“Of course! Not too far from here is a street lined with inns. One of ‘em will do you well. Just right of the building, keep going straight. It’s hard to miss.”

“Much appreciated thank-you.” Dwalin smiled and hopped off the stool. He headed straight for the exit, keeping his eyes to the ground. That didn’t help his situation at all because, as soon as he left, the stagette girls followed. The dwarf strolled leisurely through the streets. It was dark and the paths were almost empty. Judging by the “welcome” he had received upon entering the town, finding a job will have some difficulties. Dwalin shrugged at this thought, he could always go back home if it need be. 

Suddenly his comfortable silence was broken by girly shrieks. “There he is!” The group of women ran up to a very stunned dwarf. “Hey there sexy,” purred the bride-to-be.

“Uh hi,” stammered Dwalin. In all truth the dwarf hadn’t had really much contact with women, well besides his mother and those of her age. But this was different and he felt a little shy. “Can I assist you with anything?”

“Oh yes you can!” said one of the bridesmaids. “What’s your name?”

“Dwalin.” He replied cautiously. The girls giggled once more and some of them reached out to stroke his beard. “What is it that you want?” He asked exasperated. 

“Entertain us,” the bride demanded.

“Entertain? How?”

“I don’t know, but sweetie you can’t leave until you’ve fulfilled my request.” The group then circled around the dwarf, like a pack of wargs. Dwalin became uneasy and quite hot, he removed his backpack and thick fur stole; and the ladies screamed with delight. Confused he placed the items on the ground.

“Take it off, take it off!” the bride-to-be swooned. Then it clicked in Dwalin’s mind. He realised the entertainment they wanted. And he didn’t mind one bit. With a mischievous grin he started gyrating. “Is this what you wanted ladies?” They shrieked and clapped in response, as he shed his outer layers of clothing. The women soon started reaching for their purses and pulled out bills upon bills of currency. They tossed the green at him and he started to dance about at the sight! Just the few bills alone had to be more than Thorin could make in a day smithing weapons!  

The women then crept closer to the dwarf as he slowly took off his tunic. _This will be the money maker_ Dwalin thought excitedly. His exposed torso sent the group into a great tizzy, a few of them collapsed! They all lunged at him, their hands and mouths groped his very muscular abs and pecks, biceps and triceps. In the heat of the moment he felt himself go hard and the bride tore off his pants. The bridesmaids tucked money into his boxers and started grinding on him as one of them tapped a small tambourine. He had no clue what was going on but he was having the time of his life! After spending almost all his life with males, it was incredible to do this: right here in a close knit town, in the middle of the night, on the side of the road.

In what seemed like mere minutes, but was really an hour or so, the women backed away leaving Dwalin exhausted and uncomfortable (with the dollar bills chaffing his inner thighs). “Thank-you baby, I’ve had the most memorable night of my life!” The bride-to -be announced, the other girls hummed in agreement as they gathered themselves up. “It was all my pleasure to serve you,” the dwarf teased. “Here’s one for the road,” a bridesmaid huffed tucking a final bill in Dwalin’s beard, tugging on it gently. They waved goodbye to Dwalin and he waved back in a daze. He gathered his gear from the ground and walked to the nearest inn. 

When he entered the main hall to check in, the inn keeper didn’t even give him a second look as he gave the dwarf his room key. _That’s funny_ he pondered. _A dwarf, half naked with underwear full of money, and he looked at me as if I was the most normal being in the world!_ Dwalin shook his head as he climbed a flight of stairs to get to his room. He was about to unlock the door, when he heard a short _psst!_ Dwalin turned around in alarm, to meet a tall man. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Fine thanks.”

“So are you a pro or what?”

“Pro at what?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” the man nudged the dwarf, nodding to the direction of the street where Dwalin had “entertained” the women.

“Look, I just did what I had to. They were intoxicated and it wasn’t that bad.” Dwalin shrugged. “It was actually kind of-”

“Kind of fun, right?” the man cut him off.

“Yeah,” the dwarf sighed in realization.

“For what it’s worth though, for a newbie you were pretty good. My troupe and I agree very much on that. We are a group of travelling male entertainers, and we always welcome talent like yours. We’re heading out tomorrow morning to a club at the next town over; it would be fantastic if you could join!”

The proposition overwhelmed Dwalin, as he plopped himself onto the ground. He looked up at the man. He had an aura of honesty and realness; it didn’t seem like anything could go wrong. And with his brute strength there was little chance. For an hour of stripping, he did accumulate a large payload. A little carpe diem can’t hurt. “I’ll do it.”

“Great!” the guy cheered. “Whoa wait, I’m sorry I forgot to ask you your name!”

“Dwalin.”

“Nah man, you need a performer’s name, how about; Magic Dwalin?”

 

“And that was that. I spent my days stripping at clubs and parties, until I formally retired just a year and a half ago.” Dwalin concluded. His ears were met with deafening silence. Worried, he turned his head from the window to see not only the shocked faces of Balin and Fili, but also Kili, Thorin, Gandalf and the rest of the company! Bilbo’s nose had even started to bleed.

Fili broke the silence, “what in the name of mother…”

THE END


End file.
